She knows love

One of my favourite parts of the day is waking up a few minutes before my baby does, and waiting for her to open her eyes. She looks at me, and rolls, sometimes crawls, towards me - sometimes with a sleepy smile, sometimes with a demanding grim expression on her peanut face - to be held close and kissed good morning.

We cuddle for 5 minutes before she finally sees the dog, and remembers the very important lick she must give Muffin.

After falling all over Muffin trying to hug her, she then turns to my left, and in her loud imperious voice, shouts "Da-daaaa", while shaking G awake. Of course, the shaking is pointless, because this man who has wanted multiples of "just 5 minutes more" every morning for the last ten years, is now wide awake the very first time his daughter calls out to him. Though, to be fair, the insistent, loud voice, with a tone of such ownership does demand instant attention.

But those five minutes of holding her are just... sigh.

What makes it even more precious than it sounds is that just 81 days ago, our baby didn't know what cuddling was. Her waking up and crawling up to me to be cuddled, to me, is proof that she knows she's loved unconditionally, and so, so much.

The first few mornings - two weeks maybe - I pulled her close each morning, and held her tight and kissed her. She'd wriggle and get impatient with this new ritual. And then, suddenly one morning, there was a shy smile of knowing the ritual, and she crawled and snuggled up to me.

She now has one nap during the mid-morning, and I lie next to her for those two hours, greedily waiting for a repeat of the morning cuddle. And I'm rewarded, each afternoon, with not just the second cuddle, but also lots of very serious gibberish conversation as we lie in bed together.

I think of the months she's woken up alone in a crib, maybe crying in her loud voice to announce that she's up, or maybe just lying quietly till someone noticed that she's up and needs milk, or a diaper change, or a hug. And then, I feel like bawling too.

But then, she wakes up and knows before she even opens her eyes that Mama is waiting to hold her close for as long as she wants - until she sees the dog, of course.